Lena’s Theorem and tips on surviving long-term hostel living

In the event that you find yourself living in a youth hostel for more than a few nights (say, for example that your dorm falls through and you are desperately searching for housing in a pretty saturated housing market.) here are some friendly tips to help you stay sane.

1) Reserve a bed ahead of time. Even if you don’t know the length of your stay, it is better to cancel a reservation than say, having to check your stuff out every morning, store it in a luggage room, and then check back in later that afternoon pending a free bed.

2) At many hostels there is a choice of how many dorm beds to a room. This is a tough decision based on money vs personal comfort factors. However, I have calculated an equation for figuring out which room you are in. This took me too long.
30-(your age)=(how many dorm beds at MOST you want in your room)

Keep in mind this equation really only works for a range of appropriate hostel ages and does not take into account traveling with a group. Also be aware that you break this equation at your own risk, as I discovered the other night when I was sharing a room with two strangers making out, three people snoring, four guys that came in at 5 a.m. and a partridge in a pear tree-that’s code for sex offender.

3) There is a constant battle at your new home. It is a fight for hygiene. You vs. Hostel. The air that permeates the hostel is of stale cigarette smoke, the carpets are worn with accumulated filth and who the hell just used the shower?? You will feel the desire to sink to a more base level of hygiene. Skip the shower rather than face the co-ed washroom. Wear the same socks again rather than dig through the bottom of your bag for a clean pair. HOWEVER, it is this very cleanliness that will keep you from wallowing in your own misery at your current predicament. So, BE PREPARED. Keep toiletries together and easily accessible. Make sure to pack A LOT of clean socks and underwear and keep them at the top of your bag or in a side compartment. Hang dry your towel. I can’t stress how important shower shoes are. Keep deodorant on your person. Pick your outfit out the night before (like when you were 8) so you don’t have to rummage in the morning and end up putting on the jeans you wore to the smoky bar the night before. Your overall mental state depends on you winning the hygiene battle.

4) Use the hostel kitchen but really don’t go much further than ramen. You don’t know how long you are going to be living there and buying groceries just doesn’t make sense. I would just advise to find a cheap place nearby…perhaps a vegan food buffet…which incidentally, I ate at once but was pretty embarrassed about accidentally asking “Do you have meat for my bread” instead of butter, so never returned. They are surprisingly similar in Czech. Though neither was a well-received request.

5) Make friends with the hostel employees. At some point in the duration of your stay you will need a favor... PLUS, these people can act as sort of a faux support system to get you through this and give you tips…and with that, Thank you to Prague Square Hostel and it’s fantastic staff for their help during my crisis. I rate it the most comfortable seven hostel beds I have EVER slept in!